Die or Fly?

There are times in my life when I feel vulnerable! I have always believed that the fallibility of humans is their greatest strength, but at times like these my beliefs betray me! And surprisingly, makes me more human!
Through the glasses of arrogance you see things and smile! Much ado about nothing!
But when things happen to me, I feel like shouting at the top of my voice! I shout but the sound echoes within! It takes me a while to come to terms with the fact that I am indulging myself in a futile activity! Everyone tells me to forget and focus on task at hand, but what when the task at hand pales to insignificance compared to what you are asked to forget?
I wish to to be dead, beyond sorrow and grief, but then, the drive is so strong, that just when the firing squad is about to pull the trigger, I feel like smiling! I want to have one more try, one more hurrah, one more attempt to fly!
And thus I live on, winning and losing battles within, but, alive!
Less alive than before though! A part of me always goes numb with each such encounter. As if you have to pay a price to have the chance to breathe again. Paying my mortgages, if you can say so! They call it growing up.
No wonder when you grow up enough, you are dead!