Radom, random-er, random-est

This blog is the result of sheer impatience, I should be doing something worth while, but I am afraid, I don't have much to do.
My ex-roommate (ex not because he is dead or something, just that I have changed the city) used to say, life is a sinusoidal curve. I agree. Just that I want to use a diode and filter that to just the high part of it. But then, no such diode exists.
I work.I get a salary. At least for the Income Tax department, my bank, and for every one else including me that should be enough. But it is not.
I don't have fixed deliverable, and the fact that even if I do not do what I am supposed to; I can get away with it, makes me hate my job. It is not the same every day, some days I love my job, on most days I don't.
I know there is nothing wrong in feeling that. Everybody does. But I am failing to let it not affect other things in my life. I hate the dogs on the streets when I walk back home, curse the Mumbai municipality for the pot holes on the road, abuse the autowalas and the taxiwalas for the jam, and give a look to the kids in their mothers arm that make them wish they were never born.
I know I shouldn't. But I know that I do.
I need that diode desperately, and this desperation isn't helping either. So it is like the quick sand of depression and frustration that the more you struggle, the more you are trapped.

Writing this blog has not helped much either!